I see a lot of couples in my office. As we start our work together, I see the fear in their eyes. They are worried that as we talk and open up, I might say, “You two don’t need to be together. Love and relationships aren’t supposed to be this hard.”
But I never have. And I never will.
Love is a four-letter word. It’s so short, yet it spells out so much. People have been trying to define love for thousands of years, from the great Greek philosophers to Webster’s dictionary to preschoolers making cards for their parents. And even though we’ve put a man on the moon, we still have a hard time defining exactly what “love” is.
Many couples believe that if they are having a hard time in their relationship, it means they aren’t a good fit for each other. You, too, may wonder if you should stay together if things are so hard.
Grab a glass of lemonade or coffee or whatever you want, and take a few minutes to watch this conversation that my friend and colleage, Brian King, and I had about just this topic. It’s an inside view to the things we regularly discuss, and hopefully it will help answer why love can be so hard, even when you do love each other.
- Loving someone doesn’t cancel out the work. Parents love their children, but there’s still a lot of hard and tiring days involved. Romantic relationships are the same way.
- Because you love each other, you work harder. Think about a neighbor you don’t know very well. You don’t work as hard at that relationship because you are acquaintances. You’re willing to put more work in when the benefits are high (a.k.a. LOVE).
- Having good times and bad times are a part of the journey. When you’re competing against each other, you’re not working together. Think about “we” instead of “you” or “me.”
Brian and I would love to hear your thoughts and questions about this. We hope to share more tips and answers for you, so please feel free to comment below or email me any additional questions you have about relationships (romantic, friendship, co-workers, or as parents)!