Relationships: we all love them, we all hate them. Not a day goes by in life that we don’t deal with a relationship of some sort whether it be our parents, significant other, friends, or even our furry friends. It is impossible to go through life without ever having relationship. Relationships can be great, but when they are unhealthy, they can also be very bad. We as human beings have a tendency to rely on someone else to make us happy, sad, angry, excited, irritated, and every other emotion in the book. We can easily become co-dependent on someone and when we do, it becomes unhealthy.
There’s a saying that has stuck with me for several years, “Love yourself more than anyone else in the world, then you will find someone who loves you just as much.” My mom told me this after a break up years ago and it really is the truth. Although I haven’t mastered this, I work at it every day. We are all humans, and often we are our hardest critique and worst enemy. But if we could learn to love ourselves and I mean really love ourselves, imagine how much happier we could be.
Think about a relationship that you are currently in, or just got out of. What are the strengths of the relationship? What are the weaknesses of it? Are they strengths and weaknesses that are common in other relationships you have had in the past? Over a period of time we often start to see a pattern in our relationships. Whether it be with the type of person we are involved with, the arguments that we have, the issues that come up, the situations we get into, there is often a pattern and although we don’t want to admit it sometimes, the pattern typically start with ourselves. We are drawn to a certain type of person or action and even though it may be extremely unhealthy, for some reason a part of us gets a thrill from being in that situation.
It’s time to start thinking about the most important person here: you. It is hard to do for many of us, but it is the key to having a healthy relationship. Once you rely on someone else to make you happy, the relationship is already taking a nose dive straight to the ground. Yes, it is possible for someone else to make you happy, but not all the time. We are humans, and humans make mistakes. Meaning that person you just gave your whole life to will disappoint you, hurt your feelings, and make you mad. Nobody is perfect and it is bound to happen. So in order to make the heart ache a little bit easier, don’t rely on them for your total happiness.
Another thing to remember is to never give up all your relationships for one. You should never have to choose one friend over the other, or your partner over your friends. When one relationship is compromised for another there is automatically resentment towards that person. You may not see it at first, but eventually tn will come out and haunt you for the entire relationship. Only one person should decide who you have relationships with, and that’s you!
Lastly, remember this in all situations and relationships you may be in: Stand up for yourself and what you believe in, no one should ever try to change who you are. We have the power and control over ourselves and no one can change that unless we allow them. Keep this in mind and we will always be in control of our decisions and situations.
Next week in our class on relationships we will talk about:
- 10 ways to ensure a healthy relationship
- Healthy relationships equal healthy lives
- How to deal with conflicts in your relationships
- What research says on the development of healthy relationships
Have a great week, and remember to take care of yourself first!