How many times have you said, “I don't need you to fix it! I just need you to listen to me?” to your boyfriend/husband/partner?
Countless times? Is the scene in this video familiar? (It's totally worth the minute it takes to watch. PROMISE.)
So now that you're shaking your head and thinking, “Gee! This is SO me? Did they film this in my house or something?”- I'd like to point something out. This scene happens to everyone. Sometimes it's reversed, with the woman pointing out the obvious to the man in her life. But it's common.
Why is this SUCH a big deal?
Because at the core of your relationships lies two important questions:
- “Are you there for me?”
- “Do you understand me?”
Those two questions are very closely intertwined. If your partner is there for you, then they essentially understand what you need. If they understand you, then they are there when you need them.
Feeling misunderstood is a hard thing. Think back to elementary school. Remember raising your hand in class and not wording your answer right? The teacher tried to find a way not to embarrass you, but your cheeks were bright red? Do you remember how that felt?
Or maybe you were asked a question on a job interview. And as soon as you gave it, you knew should have worded it differently. As you drove away, all you could think about was how you should have said it differently.
Saying things in a way that others understand is a crucial skill in life. But when the person you love with all of your heart and soul isn't following what you are saying and what you need back from them, it's more painful than giving the wrong answer in 4th grade. It breaks your heart.
Feeling understood in your relationship helps you feel connected to each other. When you know they are there for you, you don't worry if they are cheating. You don't worry if they really love you. You trust. You feel safe. You have better sex. You have more laughs. You don't have tension, or worry, or “discussions,” or feel that pit in your stomach.
And more importantly, you know your partner understands you and is there for you.